Advice for the Female Musician Dating in Your Industry
by Shannon Kennedy
There are many pros and cons to dating in your industry. Here in this article
I illustrate both perspectives.
The bad part::
To start, I highly discourage having any kind of relationship with people in
your industry other than friendships. You will be around other people that
are in music all the time, so this might be hard to prevent, but it will not be
as hard as some of the difficulties that can arise in the relationship.
Dating another musician, especially someone who plays the same instrument
can create a tense, competitive relationship. There can be a lot of jealousy
about who gets the good gigs, who plays better, and can make you pretty
uncomfortable.
Never ever date someone you are in a group with. Even if you think the
relationship will last, it most likely will not and your break up will not only
end the relationship, but also the group. If you are fighting or not getting
along outside the group, it will reflect in the group, and can make some of
the other members of the band uncomfortable.
Never ever date or "get with" a club owner, boss, or anyone to get or keep
a gig and avoid it for any other reasons as well. Essentially, relationships, if
possible, should be out of your industry.
Never ever start a group with someone that you are dating. Being in a group
with your significant other causes more complications in your relationship.
There are already social tensions and fights, but adding a tie in your
business adds another thing to fight about. Plus, if either of you are the
group leader, then the other might get jealous and start feeling that their
boyfriend/girlfriend is taking over everything. Also, sometimes if you are a
leader in a group that they are in, you might take that leadership out of the
group and into the home.
It is really important that your career grows based on you, your ability, and
how hard you work to push it in a positive direction. Your reputation and
self-worth will greatly diminish if you go about it in any other way. As a
female, you will work with and for people that will want more from you than
what you can do musically. So unless you are willing to deal with the social
stigma that comes along with that, don't go there.
The Good Part::
Dating someone who does the same thing as you can also be very
enjoyable. Since you both do the same thing, you have a really big common
interest. It gives you something to talk about and a way to relate.
Also, having someone who also knows about music can be beneficial
because you can give each other advice, exchange ideas, and encourage
each other. Granted, you can do these things as friends, but no one is as
close to you as your significant other and so you are more likely to take
what they say to heart.
To Close::
Dating someone outside your industry also has its pros and cons. For
example, musically, they won't ever know what you are talking about. Or,
their job is more boring so they get angry when someone applauds for you
every time you do something, but no one ever does for them. But, it could
be a good thing because they give you breathing room from the music world
because they are not apart of it.
The best thing to do is to find a balance that makes you happy. For
example, date someone in the music industry who does something
completely different than you (i.e. you play jazz they play rock or classical)
or to find someone who does music, but not professionally and just for fun,
or even someone who just really loves music.
